Overdue Update

Once again it has been ages since I updated my blog. In a way almost nothing has happened, or at least nothing I've felt was noteworthy enough. Perhaps this is due to my style of creating massive posts instead of little blurbs, or perhaps because I've never been good at keeping a journal, diary, or other form of written log. Or, perhaps, it's because I feel things that are written down (sometimes even just stated verbally), especially in a long term format, carry a lot more weight and permanency than most of my thoughts which are somewhat fleeting and incredibly dependent on the particular circumstance they're formulated in. Either way I supposed I shouldn't dwell too much on it or I'll go even longer before making a post.

There have actually been a some things I suppose were blog worthy. Things I generally consider small and almost not noteworthy, but from other blogs I've seen it'd be plenty enough material for a post. I guess I do tend towards long posts that are supposed to be very informative or thought provoking, which is why I've considered these of low consequence unworthy of being typed into an area of semi-permanence.

To start, I'll go with some cooking. I've stopped using my family's recipes for pancakes and french toast, having found I prefer the recipes for them out of the Betty Crocker's Big Red Cookbook. Part of the reason for this is that they use less sugar, which since I sometimes have problems with my bloodsugars is a good thing. Actually, I should clarify that I'm using the cookbook as a starting point for the recipes, as I have actually been modifying them. With the pancakes I've been using apple sauce instead of vegetable oil. I've only made french toast from its recipe once, so am not yet sure how I wish to modify that. I might actually double the amount of sugar, which still leaves it at half my family's level, and possibly add in a little vanilla. And lastly, with my spaghetti I've stopped chopping the pepperoni slices into quarters, instead leaving them whole.

As for developmental changes, there have been some. For starters, I now where a 36A, whereas 3 months ago I was a 34NA. I actually tried on my 34A bra, but the band is now too tight. Hell, I'm somewhat wondering if the 36 band is a bit tight, but I'd rather not be buying a new bra every month. I've also been wearing a bra a lot more often than I used to. This is in large part because it protects the breasts from stimulation from my shirt rubbing against them as I move about, and in small part because it helps make them look bigger.

The reason stimulation is a problem I should go into some. I have had a marked decrease in libido and sexual desire as of late. I really have little clue as to why, which is both confusing and aggravating. I mean, I'm finally in a nice triad and I can barely be arsed to even kiss! It's incredibly vexing. Talking about it we figure it's in part hormonally related, as I've always fed off of other people's hormone levels. Now, I am on anti-androgens with no oestrogen intake, and am living with one person who has menses and one person has, and is happy with, normal male levels of testosterone. To further confuse things though, is that when I started the Seroquel, which is for anxiety, depression, sleep problems, etc, and is also an anti-androgen, my libido increased, but now that I'm feeding off of someone's testosterone it's decreased, which is all manners of confusing. Now, part of this might be because I simply cannot get the stimulation I do desire, but that didn't stop me from doing other things when Vene first got here.

To further make things weird, I also seem to have developed cramps at the 'appropriate' time... of Adrian's menses. I also was having fluctuating emotions making me more snippy and sensitive a few days before it. Once again I am reacting to zir hormone cycle more than zie is, or at least appear to be. It is possible that it's just coincidence right now, but I can't figure out any other reason for why my lower back would have been killing me yesterday, starting the night before, and still being sore today. Ibuprofen actually did nothing against the pain, though luckily a hot bath did soothe it. If this happens during the same part of Adrian's next hormone cycle I'll know that it is to blame, but I do know right now that it might not be that.

This is just further reason why Vene is convinced I have an extra X chromosome, at least in some places. It's just that karyotype testing (looking to see what chromosomes a person has) is expensive, and I don't know if I could be diagnosed with an intersex condition without said testing. This would be made even more expensive if I'm mosaic and the test needs to be done from multiple places. I will say though it's slightly disconcerting when a biologist keeps being confused by one's body, and keeps saying "make sense, dammit!" We do have a list of symptoms written up to bring more to the attention of my doctor about this when I see her next, which should be in the next couple weeks as I need to follow up on medication dose levels.

Course, I also need to see my doctor because my anxiety is now turning into full blown paranoia. Definitely not fun, and made even worse when people agree with the reasons my mind has for the paranoia. Still doesn't stop it from being paranoia, as I am super-sizing the concerns and fears. I'm also flinching/ducking and covering more and worse when I hear unexpected noises, like the fire alarm beeping (not going off, just emitting short beeps at irregular intervals, so it's not even that it has a low battery) or the phone ringing.

Well, I guess this is actually enough for a post, being that it's over a thousand words long, so I'll just say adieu for now. I'll have to kick myself to make short posts so I can do so more frequently.