So, I find myself once again sitting around being apathetic and bored. It's night-time/early morning, so that cuts out any activity that would make much noise (not that I know what I would do that does). I theoretically could work on learning C++, which I've been incredibly remiss on doing, or mess around with Blender, by poking around at modeling some more or learning how to do animation, but my apathy is leaving me with the though "what's the point?"
To further complicate things, my sleep cycle, which used to be non-24-hour sleep-wake syndrome (though undiagnosed because, surprise surprise, it interferes with my ability to make and keep appointments), seems to have completely vanished. I don't mean it's "normal," I mean I simply have no schedule. I'm now sleeping anywhere from 4 to 16 hours at a time, and being awake 10 to 30+ hours in one stretch, with no apparent correlation. One might ask "but wouldn't that still be non-24-hour?" to which the response is "that means having a sleep cycle that's 25-26 hours long instead of 24, not any type of 'schedule' that doesn't conform to a 24 hour cycle." The most probable cause I can figure is either one of my medications that's no longer working as it had, or a hormone shift, though I'm not sure what would have precipitated the latter.
Oh well, this is yet another thing to mention to my doctor at my appointment on Tuesday. I'm already going to be bringing up my breast growth (though it seems to have stopped again), increased hot flashes and chills, occasional mood swings, the mysterious lower back pain I had a few weeks back, a larger ribcage (which I know has happened since I've not gained any weight, yet have needed a larger band size on my bra and cannot wear the corset I made months back anymore), increased hyper-focusing, and my anxiety turning into outright paranoia. Oh, and something possibly more important than all of that, I'm hoping I can get a Barr body test and that it comes back positive.
A quick rundown for those who just got suddenly lost on what I'm talking about. When a cell has multiple X chromosomes only one of them is active, the others are inactive and in a packed up state, which is called a Barr body. Thus, if I do have a Barr body that means I have a second X chromosome, which means I would have some form of intersex condition. There's already plenty reason to suspect that I have Klinefelter's syndrome, which is when a person has two X chromosomes and one Y chromosome, and so the results from a Barr body test would be able to confirm it or rule it out. Barr body tests are also much cheaper than karyotype testing, being around $200 and $1,000 respectively, which puts it into a barely affordable range.
But, of course, there's something that could still complicate things. There's also reason to suspect I have Mosaicism, which is when some cells have a different genotype than the others. This isn't too uncommon for those who have Klinefelter's, and it would certainly go a long way to explaining why I have two distinct hair types: one being fine, straight, and ash blonde, the other being course, curly, and red. Because of this possibility I'm hoping that I can get tested from two places, and since it doesn't matter much where the cells are from so long as they have all the genes in them, I'm planning on having the samples taken from where the hair is nice and distinct from the other. This will be advantageous as it's more likely to find an inactive X chromosome if I have one, as well as seeing if I'm mosaic or not. Even if both spots come back negative it won't be a total loss (even if it'll feel like it), as it would at least rule out some possibilities.
There's a few reasons why I do want to know if I'm intersex. For starters, it'll make it far easier to get my legal sex designation changed. It'll also aid in proper treatment, as the more one knows about their body the better a doctor can understand sypmtoms. Also if it's diagnosed, what passes itself off as my insurance (Medicare) will see procedures as corrective instead of for transition (even though that's corrective); at least after the legal sex designation is changed.
Now to avoid any outrage people might have over my suspicions and hope for positive diagnosis. I am not looking for anything to blame for why I am the way I am. Even if I'm intersexed I will still consider myself transsexual, as I still grew up being treated as a boy and am having to face the ordeal of transition. I actually personally feel that transsexuality should be medically treated as an intersex condition as what very little research has been done on the structure of transsexual brains has shown distinct similarity to their target gender and not the sex declared at birth. (The peer reviewed article about this can be found here, with an easier to read article here.)
Friday, August 7, 2009
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